Episode #78—The Fellowship of Believers: Understanding Christian Fellowship Beyond Friendship

You may have heard someone objecting to church membership along these lines: “I don’t have anything in common with them, so why must I even come to the same church?” This question reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of what Christian fellowship truly means. Fellowship in Christ transcends superficial commonalities and is rooted in something far deeper: our shared life in Christ.

The statement “I don’t have anything in common with them” is fundamentally untrue for believers within the same church. When we are in the same communion of believers, the word “communion” itself speaks of having something in common: fellowship in Christ.

At a fundamental level, all Christians have something profound in common. They have Christ in common. They are in the body of Christ. When someone is converted, the Spirit of God baptises them into the body of Christ. This creates an immediate and unchangeable bond between believers.

Consider what all believers share: the gospel; commitment to the triune God; commitment to the authority of Scripture; love for the triune God; and eternal affection. These shared spiritual realities far outweigh any superficial differences in economic status, education level, athletic ability, or personal interests.

It is important to distinguish between fellowship and friendship. Fellowship, in a sense, has nothing to do with friendship. Fellowship has to do with the fact that believers are partners in Christ, that they have a sharing together in Christ. This doesn’t mean one will be best friends with everyone who is in Christ, but there is a common element that binds believers together.

Think of it like siblings in a family. Some siblings are closer to other siblings, but they are all still in the same family, and they love one another. They are committed to one another. The same principle applies to the family of God.

Friendship will involve sharing common interests. Personality, interests, and hobbies can draw people together, not as the basis of a friendship, but making a friendship an opportunity, a possibility. In that sense, it is natural that, in a church, certain people will be drawn to one another and feel they have more in common regarding interests for a friendship.

This becomes problematic only when it becomes exclusionary—when people stay away from others because they’re not interested in the same hobbies or activities. The categories we often use to define friendships aren’t found in the Bible. What we do find is the concept of partnership in Christ.

The New Testament is filled with “one another” commands that apply to all believers, regardless of natural affinity or friendship. These commands don’t differentiate based on whether someone enjoys golf, shooting, wrestling, or any other activity. The call is simply to “one another” one another.

Consider the early church, where Jew and Gentile worshipped together despite significant demographic differences. Paul expected them to treat one another as family in Christ and to serve one another. Even the twelve disciples were very different individuals—a tax collector, fishermen, and others from various backgrounds—yet they followed the one who makes us one.

As Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 10:17, “Because there is one bread, we who are many are one body, for we all partake of the one bread.” This unity in Christ should shape how we view our relationships with other believers.

While fellowship is universal amongst believers, there are naturally varying depths of relationship. James 5:16 instructs, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” This doesn’t mean confessing all sins to everyone in the church. Rather, the principle is that, when struggling with sin, keeping it to oneself isn’t helpful. Believers need to find someone—or some others—whom they trust, to say, “Please pray for me in this area.”

This might require someone you are really close to, but not necessarily. If someone is a godly member of the church whom you respect, even if you’re not particularly close to them, going to them, admitting your struggle, and asking for help can be just as valuable—perhaps even more so—than going to a close friend who might simply pat you on the back and minimise the issue.

Similarly, Galatians 6 speaks of carrying one another’s burdens. Certain relationships and certain people will carry more of your burdens than others because of that closeness. So even within the body, there are deeper relationships than others—not just friendships, but deeper, closer relationships such as accountability partnerships.

Some believers have specific people in their lives, beyond their spouse, to whom they are accountable. These represent even deeper relationships than most others in the church. So while there are varying degrees of closeness, this doesn’t negate the foundational truth: In Christ, we have everything essential in common.

Young people often have friends at school who aren’t believers, yet they’re good friends with much in common. They’ve grown up together. That’s fine. However, they will have a deeper relationship with a fellow believer—not necessarily because they’re closer in the conventional sense, but because they’re both on the same page spiritually, both looking to Christ. This spiritual bond trumps even close friendships in its significance.

Indeed, a friendship should not trump fellowship. Fellowship is always there, undergirding every interaction between believers. As Paul encourages in Colossians 3:1–2, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”

If our goal is to seek the things that are above, we should all desire to encourage one another, build one another up, bear one another’s burdens, and rejoice with one another. If we all set our hearts on things above, we have all of this in common, and we should be striving for those kinds of relationships.

This understanding should shape our practical engagement with the church. Think of a Sunday night prayer meeting. If somebody sends in a request, a burden they have, someone who might barely know the person will nevertheless pray for them that night and through the week, and care for them, because they’re in the same church. Perhaps that individual’s close friend in the church will come alongside in a unique way to carry the burden, but that doesn’t make others’ responsibility any less to care for them, even if they’re not as close to them.

There are many who wouldn’t consider going on holiday together but would immediately jump in the car to help if someone had a flat tyre on the highway. They might not socialise regularly, but they’re always available for coffee, prayer, or support. It’s simply normal not to be as close to some people as to others, yet we can serve everyone, though we might not be as comfortable with everyone as we are with others.

When young people ask, “Where can I serve?” one answer is simply: Pray for others in the congregation. That’s service. It’s not only coffee ministry or security duty, though those are valuable too. If you serve the body by praying for someone or helping someone move—even if you don’t know them well but you have the strength to help—that’s genuine service.

Often, people assume they don’t have anything in common with someone, but they might be surprised at the treasure they would find as they reach out to that individual. They might discover that, while they don’t share some superficial things, the person has real treasures to share—experiences and insights. Getting to know them becomes an enriching experience for both parties.

Many believers have experienced going to visit someone in hospital—perhaps disliking hospitals intensely—wanting to encourage that person, only to find that they themselves are encouraged. The one who intended to help ends up being helped. This is the beautiful reciprocity of Christian fellowship.

The claim “I have nothing in common with them” reveals a misunderstanding of what it means to be in fellowship with other believers. If you have Christ in common—which all believers do—you have everything that truly matters. Fellowship must be prioritised, sometimes even over friendship.

For those who feel they don’t have anything in common with certain church members, the encouragement is to return to the “one another” commands of Scripture. See Ephesians, where Paul speaks of the unity of the body, and remember that God hates partiality and the division of the body. We are one body, united in Christ.

It is sweet when friendship is also fellowship—when our closest friends are also our brothers and sisters in Christ. But even where deep friendship doesn’t exist, the bond of fellowship remains, calling us to love, serve, pray for, encourage, and bear the burdens of all who are in Christ. This is the beauty and the challenge of the fellowship of believers.